I Deserve Happiness

The other day Jen and I were talking about a campfire (our therapy sessions) and she said something that rang true with me. She said that I am afraid to "hope." She named it! She hit the disease I placed upon myself and all of my luck right on the head!

Once upon a time something happened that made me afraid to hope as I used to, and ever since my luck has been bad. No one cursed me, I hindered myself. I am a "hoper," but something went horribly wrong to distort my gift for hope.

That is why sometimes things go right and sometimes things go wrong that I hope for: I am psychologically making them and hindering them. I am cursing myself, for after all, a curse has no power if you do not make it so yourself!

I have the power of hope and it can both make and break. That one simple statement said so much and ran straight through me. She is so right! I love her so much. Why could no one else tell me this? Why could no one else tell me exactly what I needed to hear? Perhaps it is because she is my hope? Perhaps because I needed her to give me my hope back after I just had a little – a small flower of hope?

Now, certainly life can throw you curveballs, but it cannot break your hope unless you allow it too, and you never quit unless you give-up. I have ben giving up, and I never knew it, for it is totally against my will and my being, and SHE saw it.

She sees my strength. Jen sees how firm I am and all of the strength and energy that radiates through me and she does not wish to devour it, but wishes to make it larger. She is a true love and I deserve her! Damn it! I deserve all of her! I deserve every ounce of this beautiful spirit! I deserve her and I have her, and she deserves me in all I am.

Jen is not too good to be true, she is perfect. Jen is everything I always wanted and everything I could never express that I wanted. True love does exist and I will not be hurt by loving. It is okay to love and okay to hope. Even if she left me tomorrow, she is everything I deserve HERE and NOW. I need her and I love her, and I have hope for her, and I always did.

It is okay. It is okay. It is okay to hope. It is okay to have big dreams and to chase them. It is okay to dare to live and dare to love. It is okay.

"Life sometimes sucks, but it is going to be alright."

You can have the wildest and craziest dreams and "hope" does happen. Life hits you in the face and says, "I am unreal, but I am here."

Jen is something else, and she is living hope. She is my hope and I am her perpetual energy that cannot be contained. I am that energy. I am that something that moves her and propels her along, for some unknown reason. We are hope! God/dess I don't really know what I am saying, but I see it.

All I know is she is right, I became afraid to hope, and it needs to stop! I deseve Jen, she deserves me, and we deserve true and total hapiness – this I know.

Peace,

Alraune

25 Famous Bisexual People

Sometimes one can feel more comfortable being their self if they are sure they are not alone in how they feel, act, and behave. I am bisexual, as are many individuals in this world, but it can often seem to be a lonely or confusing state – an inbetween state even. Here is a list of fifty bisexual people (12 men and 13 women) to make you more comfortable, as I am, in your sexuality and sexual identity:

1. Hans Christian Andersen (4/2/1805-8/4/1875) – writer
2. Billie Joe Armstrong (born 2/17/1972) – singer, Green Day
3. Drew Barrymore (born 2/22/1975) – actress
4. David Bowie (born 1/8/1947) – musician
5. Marlon Brando (4/3/1924-7/1/2004) – actor
6. William S. Burroughs (2/5/1914-8/2/1997) – writer
7. Margaret Cho (born 12/5/1968) – American Comedian
8. Joan Crawford (3/23/1904-5/10/1977) -actress
9. Aleister Crowley (10/12/1875-12/1/1947) – famous occultist
10. Sammy Davis, Jr. (12/8/1925-5/16/1990) – entertainer
11. James Dean (2/8/1931-9/30/1955) – American actor
12. Fergie (Stacy Ann Ferguson) (born 3/27/1975) – singer, Black-eyed Peas
13. Megan Fox (born 5/16/1986) – American actress
14. Lady Gaga (born 3/28/1986) – singer
15. Nathaniel Hawthorne (7/4/1804-5/19/1864) – writer
16. Katharine Hepburn (5/12/1907-6/29/2003) – American actress
17. Angelina Jolie (born 6/4/1975) – American actress
18. Janis Joplin (1/19/1943-10/4/1970) – singer, Big Brother and the Holding Company
19. Alfred Kinsey (6/23/1894-8/25/1956) – biologist and sexologist
20. Calvin Klein (born11/19/1942) – fashion designer
21. Lindsay Lohan (7/2/1986) – American actress
22. Freddie Mercury (9/5/1946-11/24/1991) – singer, Queen
23. Nicki Minaj (12/8/1983) – singer
24. P!nk (born 9/8/1979) – singer
25. Anna Nichole Smith (born 11/281967-2/8/2007) – actress

Being "bi" does not mean you are secretly homosexual or that you are somehow unable to choose your sexuality and sexual preference. It simply means that you prefer the company and companionship of both genders and that you are sexually attracted to both men and women. Most bisexuals prefer one gender more often than the other, but bisexuals such as myself, may also prefer both genders equally. How much one prefers one gender over the other may change over the course of the individual's lifetime, but that does not mean the individual is confused or in some sort of denial – it merely means that people change. Many bisexuals are in a constant state of flux, while others, such as myself, remain largely unchanged in their preferences.

For more information on bisexuality I suggest that you visit the Bisexual Center or go to bisexual.org, or you may find support through the LGBT.

Blessings,

Alraune