So why all of this crap about that certain "groovy" hippie chick? Because part of becoming free and finding true individual liberty is in confronting past relationships and how/why they affected you.
You see. I got pretty messed up being a young father and having my relationship ripped apart after five years, then getting with her (my supposed rebound relationship) and losing that after nearly five years. Then I fell for Patrisha (Trish) Neill, had a few flings in between and truly fell in love with Diana Marley.
I ruined them all for that woman because I had not healed from my first love, Tara, and projected it all upon her (that certain woman). The fact is, I never loved her like any other – I merely projected every essence of my love upon her, and it cost me dearly, severely screwed me up, and maybe even caused her to think I was crazy (in the end). She really was not worth it – she proved that!
It took me a very long time to realize this, but it is all true.
I did truly love her (that certain "groovy" woman) with every ounce of my being, but she did not deserve it, and I was not in my right mind to truly provide it. I have spent so long coming to realize this. Let's start simple (and it does not exclude any other supposedly loves)...
First, I want to travel. She was good for that but she loves the system (I do not). She was a woman who could not be happy without television and a couch – I hate that in a woman. I truly hate trying to maintain a relationship with ANYONE who wishes to stay home and plugged in – it just is not me!'
Second, I am polyamorous. None of my other lovers were that I recall, and she might have been the closest (and probably is), but she would never admit it, so she could never confront such a relationship if she cannot “know herself.”
Third, and most importantly, I am not a “it fits me; therefore it is true” kind of guy – she was. I need at least an objective or interjective reason for my beliefs – simply subjective is not good enough – we have a very different core philosophy. It also helps that I understand where mine came from – she has ZERO clue (she merely thinks it is so)..
There is a lot of relational-psychology and also personal philosophy involved here to try to explain this, so let's just say – I woke up (but it took a very long time).
It is important because it is part of freedom and individual liberty!
Basically, and straight and to the point... I loved every woman I was ever with – some more than others; and my psychological issues at those times screwed much of that up. I apologize much to both Trish and Diana. Now I move on...
So far as that certain woman goes... It was good, but you aren't what you think you are, you need knocked down a peg, and you are lucky the Goddess gave you curable cancer – STOP! PAUSE! THINK! You only ever PAY if you act without thinking AND if you refuse to learn from your life's mistakes, which includes eventually learning to “think” right. STOP! Leave everyone else out of the equation – you can do it! Goodbye (that is my final word)!
And enough of that woman forever. We are done. My life now gets better and happier.
I am sorry for hurting you all. I am fixed now and I know what it is up! I "know myself" and I am sorry for hurting those I did.
Peace! Let's all move on. I cursed no one – they cursed themselves.
Let TRUE love come to me.
Peace,
Alraune
