Friday, September 20, 2013

Love and Freedom

It's been precisely one hundred twelve days since I began seeing Jennelle, and I am mad, mad, mad, crazy in love with her. And I realize something – love is freedom. You could be bound up, twisted up, beaten, cold, and with all odds against you, but if you have have freedom and you have hope.

That's it! That's what I've always loved and always missed about loving another – it is the power of it and the fact that it cannot just make the impossible seem possible, but all things possible. Love does things to your mind, your heart, and every ounce of your being – it changes you. It is magic in that it can alter your perceptions and change your mind and your heart and thus change everything. Love gives you hope, belief, strength, and literally everything.

Everything is possible to those who believe, and love makes you believe. Love can imprison and set free, but when it leaves you wounded it will always come around and mend the pieces which cannot be fixed by time – the pieces of yourself which are missing without someone to love.

The song "The Rose" by Conway Twitty perfectly encapsulates what love is and what it means to me. The song goes through all the stages of love and it is all about the power of love and the freedom it can take away through it's pain as well as the intense mind-blowing freedom it has to give by unleashing its power.

When I spent that first night with Jennelle up on Shade Mountain we were sitting there talking and telling stories. I found a small flower (really, it was teeny tiny) and I gave it to her. It was a symbolic gesture on my part. I can't remember if I handed it to her or threw it at her – that is how much of a conscious gesture of symbolism it was at the time, but that flower is not the point, it is that moment. I planted a very very small seed on the top of that mountain, a seed of life and freedom and peace and happiness. The song "The Rose" really fits that moment because it tells the story of everything that was in me at that moment and everything I had to give which was hidden away but dying to come out.

I found a little more of the freedom I have been longing for by finding Jennelle. I can't explain it and I am trying too. As the song says, I will not be "the soul afraid of dying that never learns to live." I want to live and I want to love! I can't be free if I cannot love, and love like I want to because loving is a part of me.

And my Goddess the liberty in it all! It just makes me hear music and beauty everywhere! A thousand songs run through my mind at once: "Sugar Magnolia" by the Grateful Dead, "Somebody Like You" by Keith Urban, "Good Lovin'" by the Grateful Dead, "Woman" by John Lennon, "Your Man" by Josh Turner, "Hangin' By A Moment" by Lifehouse, "Believe" by Lenny Kravitz, "4th of July" by Shooter Jennings, "When It's Love" by Van Halen, "Happy Together" by The Turtles, "Feel Like Makin' Love" by Bad Company, "Is this Love" by Bob Marley & the Wailers, and dozens upon dozens upon dozens of others.

It just feels good to feel this good for this long, and to know that I am more alive and more free than ever before.

Words cannot describe.