75 Days Later

I am a happy soul and a happy man. It is great to be in love again. Every time I try to love deeper, better, with more thought, more feeling, and more depth of thought and balance in case it works or it does not. Certainly there is no rationale to what is called love, but it sure as hell feels rational when living in that moment. I think this time I may have found a woman who is near my mentality and intellectual as well as emotional level when it comes to actually building something, working together, and going forward.

She seems to be very truthful when she says it is not all about sex, but then again, so have others. A certain ex-girlfriend is correct about me and I have to watch for it and be weary – I am intense. When I fall into love I come on as intense physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually and it can quickly swallow a soul and make them lose track of the deeper me which they may or may not love, especially if they needed such intensity at that particular moment in their life. I'd be lying if I said I did not worry about this.

And it is not all the woman. I too play a part and get swallowed by the intensity of it all, perhaps sometimes more so than they. That is the price one must pay for having a soul and being capable of emotion and empathy for others. I think I have learned a few things along the way though and I have hope this time, and each time. Many women I have loved and dated have wanted a man who is the perfect balance (perfect for them, that is) between a man who is manly, powerful, strong, skillful and forceful and a man who is open, communicative, social, empathizing, caring, kind, and deep (to name a few important traits). Thankfully, I walk that fine line and always have, which is probably why I am found attractive by the women I have known and some I have not. I have learned this and in my maturity I am learning to refine it and be better at it in all arenas.

Naturally, I am and will just be myself, but I am constantly seeking to improve upon myself so long as it is truly me. So far the man I have become seems to be something Jennelle greatly enjoys, and that makes me very happy.

On the 44th day we both said we loved one another, and this time...different than all others...she said it first. I could see in her eyes that she truly meant it, at least at that moment, and so I kissed her and held her deeply. That moment is all I ever wanted in my life – that moment!

Jen is everything I ever dreamed of. I thank the God/dess for her and resign myself to be thankful no matter how long it lasts, but to wish it to last forever. She is beautiful, she is strong, she is smart, she is inquisitive, she is child-like...she actually “gets me” and does not see any part of me as insane, but knows exactly what is going on in my head and my heart. She sees right through me, and like she said to me, I feel naked around her, but it is alright. I don't think any love truly exists unless both feel completely comfortable and naked around one another.

Her life has become better since she met me and I view that as a gift and confirmation from above. She has a better job and a better life ahead of her. All is going well for her, and she says, “you're next.” THAT is why I love her! She is silently aching inside to see the same fate befall me, as I have always done for her. She is my mirror, as she says I am to her.

She says she has never been loved like I love her, and by God/dess I will not allow her to ever think otherwise! I want to love her like no one ever has and no one ever will, and I want to because I need too. But not too much at once...I must savor it, allow her to soak it up, and move slowly but steadily and with equal fervor along the entire length.

I will not allow anything to ruin that love. I do not expect her to be perfect. I do not expect her to never go astray (though I have a feeling she is much less likely than any other). I don't expect anything from her other than she expect from me what I have always done and always will do for her. If I can do that and be me and true to myself, then I know I will have her forever. If she can do that, then we shall be forever.

I sometimes wonder if I had met her before. Perhaps in a bar some time when she was hanging with Julie? Perhaps I was with Kim at the time or just hanging with some friends, or maybe I was alone and in my head? I sometimes get the feeling I did, but did not recognize, and I certainly do not remember. Needless to say, she was always no more than three degrees of separation away, we just never knew it.

In any event, I am beginning to feel I have found what Daryle Singletary called “that Amen kind of love,” and I am thankful to Freya for it. It is not me rebounding or anything. I had purposefully ceased dating for some six years. It took me that long to get over my past loves, find myself, and grow. No past love would recognize the true me any longer, but that does not matter...who I am now was not meant for them, it was meant for this moment now. They were meant to help bring me here. I will always love them in their moment and time, and I have told Jennelle this. She agrees this is right!

Jen has met my parents and my daughter. They all like her. I have met her parents and some of her other family. They all like me, including her father, who is apparently a hard case but somehow he took to me. Her family is actually a lot like my own, more so than the family of any other I have ever known (nothing against those wonderful families, but there is more similarity here).

Jen makes me feel like getting of my ass, which is how I feel about my life myself – another area of compatibility. She worries about my happiness and my health. She actually and truly cares about me. Thank you God/dess!

We both have a thing for the forest and camping and more than a dozen times we have run off into the forest just to get naked and frolic. We both love good cooking and good eats and it all goes right along with everything else we do. She is truthfully my kind of woman. Neither of us leads and neither of us follows.

I don't know what I did to make her love me. Perhaps I will ask her? But I am glad I did it. The past 75 days have been wonderful, fulfilling, youthful, and sublime. I think I will go ask her now. We talk like that.

May you find your love,

Alraune

The Last 37 Days

The past thirty-seven days have been some of the greatest days in my life and the most fun I have had in a very long time. It all began sometime in April when I just started, for some reason, to begin heavily flirting with several women at work. By May the flirting with a certain coworker (Jen - the only female on my team) had grown to almost downright sexual harassment (on both ends). Then for some reason or the other in the last week of May, I just stayed in the parking lot after work talking to Jen.

We had an hour and a half long discussion about relationships and near the end of the conversation I invited her to go camping with me. The following day she came to work and told me she accepted the invitation, but she thought I meant that weekend (which I did not intend), so I finagled a quick camping permit and it was a date! I got her number and the rest is history.

We met in the parking lot of Giant on the morning of June 1^st just after 10 am. I was supposed to be there by ten o'clock, but I nearly lost the camping permit and arrived late after doing a whole house search (it was behind my bookshelf).

When I arrived Jen got out of her car and she looked absolutely beautiful to me. She was dressed nice, but campy and we quickly tossed all of our stuff together in her car (which was bigger than mine) and then headed into Giant for food and other supplies. By about noon we arrived at the designated camping spot on Shade Mountain.

We set-up camp together and then just lounged around and talked for nine hours about everything, and we told life stories and all kinds of stories. It was one of the most pleasant and open conversations I have ever had. By 9pm we were lying on a blanket under the stars and then, just as I was working towards it, she kissed me. Before long the clothes were off and we were pleasing one another in just about every way imaginable. Certainly, we both wanted sex, but that long conversation had done something more, and anyone who has ever been with me knows that long conversations are my way. I try to build relationships on a psychological and emotional level beside any sexual relationship.

The rest of our time at camp would be one of total nudity. I guess we were both psychologically and emotionally nude, so we figured “what the hell.” We talked into the early morning hours, pleased one another again, and then fell asleep to the sounds of the forest. The next day we got up, broke camp and left, but June 1^st thru June 2^nd will forever be a big deal to me.

The rest of June we would not go a single twenty-four hours without either talking to one another on the phone or being together. We went for coffee nearly every night after work, drove around and explored on our days off, and I even went to Bingo with her and her mother and won them nearly $150!

We drove to a campsite out Spruce Run that I had scouted and planned to camp at prior to ever dating Jen, and we planned a week long camping trip there from June 18^th to June 24^th. We left for the campsite directly from work at 1am on the 18^th, drove to Milmont to get the permit, and arrived at the campsite just as the sun was rising (we tend to always be together when the sun rises).

We did everything together that week: we talked together; we cooked together; we ate together; we washed clothes together; did camp chores together; bathed together; slept together; started fires together; played games together; acted goofy and crazy together, and generally had a blast just being together. We found out that we could spend one hundred and forty-four hours together and not once get irritated, annoyed or upset with the other; that we were more alike than anything, and we both had the same or similar ideas. It was the best Summer Solstice ever and a very magical moment for us both!

We went skinny-dipping in the nearby stream, made love every night, and even made love under the light of the Full Moon (a Super Moon). It was a real relationship builder – I have always thought camping to be the perfect way to both build a relationship and see any strengths, weaknesses, or faults. Everything was actually perfect!

We left just before noon on the 24^th and I headed home to get ready for work later that day. Since then it has been a lot of demand from our employer, but we've still managed to find time for one another every single day and night.

I don't know if it is going to last, but I can honestly say I want it too. I do not want "us" to ever parish, but I'm not going to allow myself to be destroyed if we do not last – I will see our relationship as it is: Perfect in our time and place. I have hopes because there is so much there, so much in common, and so much that just fits perfectly.

I've always liked the name Jen (her family has a thing for 'J' names just like my family) and for some reason my life at the age of thirty-seven (I always saw it as special). She's not a real girly-type girl, more of a Tomboy (the way I like them), but she is both physically and mentally attractive.

She has no children and cannot have them unless a miracle of science occurs (she had really aggressive cervical cancer nearly ten years ago), but I am okay with this and she knows this. She has auburn hair, a great smile, an awesome laugh, a nice butt, and probably the largest breasts I've ever had the pleasure of snuggling (36 DDD) – sorry, I'm a T & A kinda of guy. She is intelligent, emotionally mature, spiritual, highly sexual, a great cook, family-oriented, communicative, strong-headed, and considerate. To top it all off she enjoys the same kind of sex I do and she is also bisexual.

We are a Scorpio and a Sagittarius roaming through the world together, making our movie. She is good with fire and I am comfortable amidst the water. We were born twenty-one days apart in the same year, same season, and same month, and we were both born on the same day of the week – Friday, Freya's Day. We were both born at night (me at 6:26 pm and her at 8:06 pm). She was born between the New Moon and the First Quarter and I was born between the Last Quarter Moon and the New Moon, with a Total Lunar Eclipse ocurring between us (eleven days after her arrival and ten days prior to my entrance into the world), and I wouldn't be one bit surprised to find the eclipse was precisely mid-way at 10 ½ days – I really wouldn't...we fit so perfect it is actually kinda freaky.

I could go on about Jen forever, but I wanted to record this stuff for posterity. This time means something to me, we both needed it, and I am happy that it has happened and is happening. The God/dess is good.

Peace, Love & Happiness.

Alraune