Back to the Roadtrip

I have enough knowledge about blogging to know what I should do here. I should write five hundred words or more, be specific, use keywords, and stick to a certain point, but most of the time I don't even give a damn. I really don't care. I just want to be me and damn the potential extra income from a secondary source that places advertisements in my blogs based on keywords and such.

You don't necessarily always want that, and neither do I!

I've been way off base lately and I could write a book, but why? What will it do for you? Ninety-percent of what I write is for someone else and not merely me! This is how I feel and have always felt...

It is nice to make a little extra money blogging, but to me writing what you feel is much more important, and it is what the "people" want anyway. If they "feel" what you are saying and it relates to an advertisement so they click on it and that "feeling" makes them "feel" they should buy it so you get a cut of the money, then so be it; otherwise, I don't care. I get how stuff works, but I really just want to be me!

This blog is about being me. I have been off base and I am not going to stay specific or use certain keywords. I've been on a vacation of the mind, soul, and body. There are no keywords to explain that! I simply needed to escape and it is time to come back around to the way I usually am. I guess I needed to go back into the Matrix for awhile to realize I still love certain parts of it, but I truly do not love it.

I am damn close to hating the Matrix, but I see something there... I am not a luddite, but I ought to be! I am a walking contradiction. I am not confused, merely at odds to my supposed choices of extremes. Could any more be expected from a guy who wants balance and harmony in all things?

So. here I am. I am back again! I have ideas and I am alive. Am I wrong somehow?

Peace,

Alraune

Straightening This Blog Out

Lately, this blog has become about a certain woman, and it is definitely NOT intended for that. While I will always hold all of my past loves in high regard, this blog is about ME, MY take on relationships, and about freedom, and I will not allow myself to stray from that.

I fell away from my goal for the same reason I had to state my opinions – I am still healing, in my own way; and in such I am finding freedom. My venting and typed opinions may not be popular and they may hurt those I care for, but I have a right to speak and vent, and I will, and I will not turn the topic to any particular person or relationship unless it is particularly important to MY moment in time – I need to get by and survive.

I am sorry if how I do it hurts others – it is the way I see. I'm sure it hurts plants and animals to feed on them to live, but it is life. While I do not wish to “feed” on anyone, I may “think” and “say”things in order to make sense of my own life that they do not agree with.

Ten yeas, my readers, ten years! Am I wrong in what I do and in doing it my way if it takes me so long?

Therefore, I am done glorifying and magnifying that woman and that relationship. I am done complaining about it, if I can. Unless she makes a true effort to get back in, I am walking – I don't care what she thinks I said or did. I must find a way to move on, and unless she gives me a SPECIFIC indication of anything or a possibility for an opening (with the stipulation that I can be me and do my thing in the mean time), then I will do my thing.

I am done waiting on her (maybe that is what I did for 10 years)? I am done playing games. I am done hurting. I am done allowing her and the “potential” for a relationship (always open-ended) to influence my thought – I'm done. I am done trying to be friends if we cannot DROP the past. I simply cannot do it – period.

It is ALL ON HER. I am done allowing any of it to be on me. My offer is simple – either say you want something, say you want mere friendship REGARDLESS if I vent and be myself, or say you want no part anymore. Let's get “us” straight – if I am a guy friend I will be a GUY friend, and if I am a lover I will be a lover, there is no in-between. In other words, woman, YOU need to come to terms with how I am and how I do things as a lover, friend or acquaintance, or get out altogether, because I am NOT changing.

You WILL NOT crush me if you say “C-ya.” Know that (We already did that – no more damage could possibly be done, unless I allowed it)! There is no reason but your own to stop you from saying goodbye. I do not wish for you to say goodbye, but I do require you to lay it straight, flat, and ACCEPT how I am if we have any sort of relationship.

With that...this blog is DONE with that particular woman. I will do my best to refrain from speaking about her anymore, because my FREEDOM is not all about her, dealing with our relationship and moving on is only a small portion of MY freedom.

I want to START OVER, with her, if possible, and go from there, DROP the past, and see what happens. I don't "expect" anything – I just want to be granted FREEDOM by her and to grant it to her, and then see if anything ever was or still is. Otherwise, I think it best for us to just walk away, because I NEED SOMETHING, and I will have it.

It is really messed up when two people really did love one another and cannot figure how to deal with it.

Peace.

Alraune

About The Hippie Road Trip Blog

About This Blog

This blog is intended to be my place to generally be myself, maybe vent a little, but mostly to layout my plans for an extended hippie trip, and later to write about my experiences on that journey.

I will begin by writing about the developments, life's lessons, and philosophical underpinnings leading up to my desire to undertake such a journey. I will then spend a good deal of time discussing plans and ideas I have concerning what I refer to as my permanent or extended hippie trip. Later on, and throughout (since all of life is a journey), I will be documenting my journey in real-time. Along the way I'll probably also discuss music, love, life in general, and all the wonderous and glorious things about life, its ups and its downs, etc.

Don't be surprised if this blog flashes back and forth between the here-and-now, plans for the future, and events and memories of the past, as I have no particular order to my own personal madness – I just want to live.

I hope somebody out there enjoys this little piece of me and finds some sort of inspiration, hope, happiness, or entertainment in it. I also hope someone out there gets a good laugh or two, as I am known to be a bit of a goofball.

This is just one part of my story which began in November of 1975, continues to this day, and hopefully has many more years and pages to be written. Would it be too much for me to ask for a happy ending as well? I don't think so.

I leave you with two quotes from Socrates, a man who's style of examination and philosophical inquiry I am quite fond of.

“From virtue comes every good of man.” -Socrates, in Plato's, The Apology

“A man who is good for anything ought not to calculate the chance of living or dying; he ought only to consider whether in doing anything he is doing right or wrong – acting the part of a good man or a bad man.” -Socrates, in Plato's, The Apology

Peace. Alraune.